That One Time I Fought A Thirty Five Year Old Man On The Internet (The Shane Morris Saga Part One)

One of my passions is screwing with people on the internet -- especially adults. More specifically thirty five year old men who are music managers in Tennessee. Even more specifically music managers named Shane Morris.

Let me explain first.  Shane Morris was Ryan Ross' music manager after Ryan left Panic! At The Disco.  Shane helped manage Ryan's new band, the Young Veins, but then their relationship stopped after that band broke up and some other personal stuff happened between them.  So after that happened, Shane Morris now resides in Tennessee and helps manage newly signed country bands. So even though he isn't relevant anymore regarding Ryan Ross or Panic! At The Disco, I still decided to follow him on Twitter. 

Over this past year, another app through Twitter called Periscope, has become very popular.  Basically, Periscope is a live streaming app where people can watch someone and comment on their stream.  I downloaded the app because the lead singer of the band Panic! At The Disco, Brendon Urie, started using it and his streams were pretty fun to watch.  So whenever someone I follow on Twitter goes live on Periscope, I get a notification.

(Via Wikipedia)

One day this past summer I got a Periscope notification from Shane Morris, titled "Opinion on Soul Punk".

NOW I WILL HAVE YOU KNOW SOUL PUNK IS ONE OF MY ALL TIME FAVORITE ALBUMS. (Which I'll probably talk about in a future post.) Soul Punk is an album that Patrick Stump, the lead singer of Fall Out Boy, released during Fall Out Boy's hiatus. It's a gift from the heavens and I love it a lot -- So much to the point where I'd defend it on the internet against some music manager in Tennessee.  

So I joined the stream and was ready to fight.  I was a little late joining so he was in the middle of talking about something else.  So I asked the chat "What did he diss about Soul Punk?"  And he stopped, read my comment out loud, and then immediately got defensive.  It's always a slightly unsettling experience to have your comment read out loud; that was the first time it had happened to me on Periscope.  He proceeded to then talk about how he didn't like the album -- how the genre was bad, how bad the lyrics were written, and how bad Patrick's voice was.

So at that point I was rEADY TO PUNCH HIM THROUGH MY PHONE.  After he moved on to complaining about Patrick Stump's fashion choice in that era, I decided it was my turn to step in.  At the time, Shane Morris was standing outside of his Tennessee home wearing this:

(Via Twitter)

So I typed in the chat "You shouldn't be talking, do you see what you're wearing right now?" I mean, just look at that piece of trash.  His sunglasses look like ski goggles and his hair looks like an egg with a mop attached to it.  So after a small delay, Shane read it.  He immediately went from a chill ranting face to a face of rage. I don't remember what he said exactly, but he proceeded to tell me the origin of his sunglasses.  Shane explained that when he was a teen growing up in the 90's, his goal was to become super successful and stuff.  One of his goals was to acquire the Oakley sunglasses in the photo above.  They were apparently exclusive and expensive in the 90's, so he really wanted them. So now that he was a fairly successful music manager in Tennessee, he was able to get the sunglasses from his teen years and achieve his goals.  Yeah, yeah, good for him. (That still doesn't mean they don't look like trash.)

(Via ReplyGif)

So he bragged on and on about that for awhile and I forgot what I said but I said something in the chat and he ended the Periscope out of anger.  Kira: 1. Shane Morris: 0.  It was fun to make this guy all pissed off over his sunglasses; that was a day well spent.

This is pretty much the end of the Shane Morris Saga Part One.  There'll probably be a couple more stories, but you never know.